The Truth About Embalming
You probably didn't know it's not required
If you haven’t yet, grab yourself a copy of Thinking Outside the Box, my new book on ecofriendly options to burial and cremation. It’s flying off the shelves, so act now!
(Well, not really - it’s a dowloadable PDF. It will NEVER sell out! I just thought I’d try one of the sales pitches that have been mucking up my inbox lately. Aren’t you happy black friday is over?!)
But seriously, if you’re stymied trying to come up with holiday gifts that are fun and useful and needed, and won’t clutter up the house, this book is perfect. So many of us have So. Much. Stuff that the thought of getting presents is just overwhelming. I prefer gifts that can be eaten, drunk, or burned, myself.
If you do buy my book, know that you are supporting a (very) small business, you’ll be helping the recipient with something they didn’t know they needed, and you will have my everlasting gratitude.
Meanwhile, I want to clear up some misconceptions about embalming. Primarily, that it is required. Here’s the real truth:
Embalming is not required in any state.
I just spoke with a client yesterday whose mother is on life support at the hospital, and is likely to die within the next week or so. The client and her family are confused about what to do with mom’s body after she dies. The mom wants to be cremated and her ashes strewn in a few of her favorite places; the client didn’t want her mom embalmed but didn’t know how to get around that.
In New York state, where my client is, you have to work with a funeral home to be cremated. But I reassured her that embalming is NOT part of the requirement, and called a few funeral homes in Manhattan to find ones where it was optional. This is part of what I do as a death doula, allowing you to spend time with your dying person and not have to stress about the practical things.
[NB: Some funeral homes require embalming as part of their policy. If that’s the case and your don’t want embalming done, you are free to go to another funeral home. But that takes time and energy.]
Funeral planning is a LOT of work. And it’s not something that is easy to do when you’re sad, angry, confused, and in shock, and maybe disagreeing with other family members about what to do. My client wants to spend every minute she can with her dying mother and her other family members, not figure out a million decisions around mom’s death.
How to fix that? Easy - plan your funeral before you need it! Letting your people know what you want when you die is the greatest gift you can give them.
What, exactly, IS embalming? If you’re squeamish, don’t read the rest of this paragraph. Embalming is actually quite violent to the body. I’ve watched a few training videos and it’s brutal. They drain the blood from the body and replace it with a formaldehyde mixture. They sew your mouth shut. They insert plastic caps under your eyelids to keep the eyelids closed and prevent the eyes from sinking into the head. I’m not easily squicked, but these videos were tough to watch. (And the embalming fluid is toxic, so it’s dangerous for the embalmer, too!)
If you want to be embalmed, that’s fine; you should do what makes you feel comfortable. In some cases, if you need to transport a body across the country (or the world), embalming is the right choice. Or if there was a traumatic and violent death with an autopsy and the family still wants there to be a viewing of the body, then embalming can be super useful. I just want you to know that it’s your choice.
As a champion of green death, I want us all to be comfortable with the idea that our bodies will decompose and return to the earth. And to consider embalming as a rare option. I think this quote sums it up perfectly.
From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them, and that is eternity - Edvard Munch
I’d love to hear your thoughts: Have you dealt with a loved one being embalmed, or did you choose not to embalm? Let me know in the comments!
Thankfully embalming is not required here in Canada, however I’m not sure if some don’t sell it anyway.
A friend of mine died recently and his wife was told that embalming was required by law in NYC—even if he was going to be cremated. They kept insisting until she called a funeral director friend on speaker and had that woman confront the guy. He finally admitted it wasn't "technically" illegal. So gross that they fuck with people in mourning.