Death, Divorce, Disagreements

Those can really derail your holiday celebrations

Happy [Gregorian and Julian] New Year!

I tried - and was mostly successful - at taking time off for the holidays, but it’s hard to create a hard line between my deathwork and my life. They are so intertwined, like life and death.

And as a self-employed person (I hate the term “solopreneur;” please shoot me if I ever start using it) it’s well nigh impossible to create super solid boundaries around work time, personal time, and play time.

So while I am not religious, I decided to take Sundays as a no-work, no-email, no-research day. But then we went to the Philadelphia Art Museum, where one of the first things I saw was this:

My work will not leave me alone!

But it’s okay, because I love it; and one of my learnings this year is to strengthen my boundaries in all aspects.

I’m curious - what do you do to create, and maintain - boundaries around yourself, whether professional, personal, or emotional?

In my last post in December, I wrote about my New Year’s resolutions . I’ve since added a few more: perfecting my Corpse Reviver II, spending an afternoon a week at the Free LIbrary of Philadelphia doing whatever I want, and phoning a friend once a week.

What have you resolved? And now that it’s day 7, how’s it going?

Yes, two questions. AND here’s a third:

I want to hear from YOU, my dear readers: what would you like to see in this space in the next year?

You are the reason DeathReady exists, and I want to make sure I’m covering the things you want covered. Do you want more stories? More practical tips? More pictures? Free Zoom Death Cafes? Videos? More history of death rituals around the world? (Okay, that’s MY wish for my newsletter!) Please let me know in the comments!

On a different note, I was talking to a client about how hard her holidays were; it was her first Christmas being divorced. Holidays are all about tradition, and when someone is no longer with us - through death, divorce, or disagreements - we don’t have those traditions that have grounded us in years past.

It’s important to acknowledge this, and not jump straight into “making new traditions”. Trust me when I say that if you don’t grieve and honor the losses, they will come back to haunt you like Scrooge’s ghosts. When I take out my Christmas ornaments, I get sad about my dead sister and my ex-husband. They’re very different kinds of loss, but they are both empty and painful spaces inside me nonetheless. I’m also mourning the loss of two very close, 30-plus-year friendships, neither of which I truly understand why they ended. I miss getting their Christmas cards.

Here is a Christmas card I got from a relatively new friend who I adore. She gets me. Loss is hard, but it’s not all there is.

We talked about the importance of honoring those feelings. If you don’t, they’ll just pop up, usually at a very inconvenient time. And we talked about self-care, a somewhat overdone term but I can’t find a good replacement. We have to learn how to comfort ourselves. How you take care of yourself is unique to you - maybe you recharge alone, or if you’re like me, you recharge in big anonymous groups of people. I love going to a loud restaurant or bar and losing myself in the crowd; that probably sounds like hell to some of you! Whatever works for you, make time to do it. The holiday probably won’t be easy, but you can get through it. In fact, you’re reading this, so you DID!

And next year, it’ll be totally different, so no assuming how it will unfold.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you about the year to come!